The Communication Breakdown Spread
When two people who care about each other keep having the same argument, the surface content of the argument is rarely the real issue. This spread digs beneath the presenting conflict to find what is actually being communicated and miscommunicated. Five cards examine what you are trying to say and not being heard saying, what the other person is trying to say and not being heard saying, where the core misalignment in communication styles lies, what underlying need is driving the conflict for each party, and the communication shift that would most move this dynamic toward genuine understanding.
Step 1: Instructions
Use when a recurring argument with a partner, family member, or colleague has become unresolvable through the same methods you have been trying. It is also useful when silence has replaced conflict — when communication has broken down into avoidance rather than heated exchange. Both patterns point to the same unmet need to be genuinely understood.
Step 2: Card Positions
- #1What you are trying to say and not being heard saying
- #2What they are trying to say and not being heard saying
- #3Where the core miscommunication lies
- #4The underlying need driving the conflict (yours)
- #5The communication shift that would most help
Step 3: Interpretation Advice
If both position one and position two draw Swords cards, the communication breakdown is primarily intellectual and strategic — each person is arguing their case rather than expressing their need. The most productive shift in that situation is to move from position-stating to need-sharing. Vulnerability unlocks what strategy cannot.
The Communication Breakdown Spread
Total Cards
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